radiantfracture: Beadwork bunny head (Default)
radiantfracture ([personal profile] radiantfracture) wrote2025-09-09 05:37 pm

Bonus Ross Gay poem

Again
By Ross Gay

Because I love you, and beneath the uncountable stars
I have become the delicate piston threading itself through your chest,

I want to tell you a story I shouldn't but will and in the meantime neglect, Love,
the discordant melody spilling from my ears but attend,

instead, to this tale, for a river burns inside my mouth
and it wants both purgation and to eternally sip your thousand drippings;

and in the story is a dog and unnamed it leads to less heartbreak,
so name him Max, and in the story are neighborhood kids

who spin a yarn about Max like I'm singing to you, except they tell a child,
a boy who only moments earlier had been wending through sticker bushes

to pick juicy rubies, whose chin was, in fact, stained with them,
and combining in their story the big kids make

the boy who shall remain unnamed believe Max to be sick and rabid,
and say his limp and regular smell of piss are just two signs,

but the worst of it, they say, is that he'll likely find you in the night,
and the big kids do not giggle, and the boy does not giggle,

but lets the final berries in his hand drop into the overgrowth
at his feet, and if I spoke the dream of the unnamed boy

I fear my tongue would turn an arm of fire so I won't, but
know inside the boy's head grew a fire beneath the same stars

as you and I, Love, your leg between mine, the fine hairs
on your upper thigh nearly glistening in the night, and the boy,

the night, the incalculable mysteries as he sleeps with a stuffed animal
tucked beneath his chin and rolls tight against his brother

in their shared bed, who rolls away, and you know by now
there is no salve to quell his mind’s roaring machinery

and I shouldn't tell you, but I will,
the unnamed boy

on the third night of the dreams which harden his soft face
puts on pants and a sweatshirt and quietly takes the spade from the den

and more quietly leaves his house where upstairs his father lies dreamless,
and his mother bends her body into his,

and beneath these same stars, Love, which often, when I study them,
seem to recede like so many of the lies of light,

the boy walks to the yard where Max lives attached to a steel cable
spanning the lawn, and the boy brings hot dogs which he learned

from Tom & Jerry, and nearly urinating in his pants he tosses them
toward the quiet and crippled thing limping across the lawn,

the cable whispering above the dew-slick grass, and Max whimpers,
and the boy sees a wolf where stands this ratty

and sad and groveling dog and beneath these very stars
Max raises his head to look at the unnamed boy

with one glaucous eye nearly glued shut
and the other wet from the cool breeze and wheezing

Max catches the gaze of the boy who sees,
at last, the raw skin on the dog's flank, the quiver

of his spindly legs, and as Max bends his nose
to the franks the boy watches him struggle

to snatch the meat with gums, and bringing the shovel down
he bends to lift the meat to Max's toothless mouth,

and rubs the length of his throat and chin,
Max arching his neck with his eyes closed, now,

and licking the boy's round face, until the boy unchains the dog,
and stands, taking slow steps backward through the wet grass and feels,

for the first time in days, the breath in his lungs, which is cool,
and a little damp, spilling over his small lips, and he feels,

again, his feet beneath him, and the earth beneath them, and starlings
singing the morning in, and the somber movement of beetles

chewing the leaves of the white birch, glinting in the dark, and he notices,
Darling, an upturned nest beneath the tree, and flips it looking for the blue eggs

of robins, but finds none, and placing a rumpled crimson feather in his mouth
slips the spindly thicket into another tree, which he climbs

to watch the first hint of light glancing above the fields, and the boy
eventually returns to his thorny fruit bush where an occasional prick

leaves on his arm or leg a spot of blood the color of these raspberries
and tasting of salt, and filling his upturned shirt with them he beams

that he could pull from the earth that which might make you smile,
Love, which you’ll find in the fridge, on the bottom shelf, behind the milk,

in the bowl you made with your own lovely hands.

§rf§
rmc28: Rachel in hockey gear on the frozen fen at Upware, near Cambridge (Default)
Rachel Coleman ([personal profile] rmc28) wrote2025-09-10 12:43 am
Entry tags:

I reactivated Netflix tonight

... so I could watch Kpop Demon Hunters, after half my friends mentioned it, and my child told me it was good, and the songs kept turning up on my instagram feed, and I listened to the soundtrack yesterday.

Anyway, it was a great deal of fun, the music is so catchy, the film absolutely leans into its premise, and I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I'm not great at watching TV at all, and especially not by myself, but I'm glad I did. (I might put it on again, maybe the singalong version, at some point.)

I watched approx 2/3 of it between skating lesson and uni hockey practice and the other 1/3 after getting home. I'd just turned it off to get changed, when in walked the students with the speaker playing the soundtrack (and one of the songs, Golden, lived on repeat in my head throughout practice).

rmc28: (reading)
Rachel Coleman ([personal profile] rmc28) wrote2025-09-03 07:00 am

To-read pile, 2025, August

Books on pre-order:

  1. Queen Demon (Rising World 2) by Martha Wells (7 Oct 2025)

Books acquired in August:

  • and read:
    1. The Adventure of the Demonic Ox (Penric & Desdemona) by Lois McMaster Bujold
    2. The Work of Art (Somerset Stories 1) by Mimi Matthews
    3. The Arctic Curry Club by Dani Redd [3]

Books acquired previously and read in August:

  1. The Unexpected Inheritance of Inspector Chopra by Vaseem Khan [3][May]

Borrowed books read in August:

  1. A Sorceress Comes To Call by T. Kingfisher
  2. Iron Flame (Empyrean 2) by Rebecca Yarros [2]

[1] Pre-order
[2] Audiobook
[3] Physical book
[4] Crowdfunding
[5] Goodbye read
[6] Cambridgeshire Reads/Listens
[7] FaRoFeb / FaRoCation / Bookmas / HRBC
[8] Prime Reading / Kindle Unlimited

azurelunatic: Computer with a wind-up key captioned "Which version of STUPID are you running?" (stupid)
Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 ([personal profile] azurelunatic) wrote2025-09-02 05:24 pm

Galumph!

It turns out that there is a timeout to the "let's test your equipment" for the browser-based telehealth appointments with my therapist. That timeout is 5 minutes. I had to switch to my phone, which is always vexatious for me.

Recently, Belovedest hauled Dad's old machine (dubbed Galumph, after the imaginary draft horse stallion Dad always talked about as his preferred riding beast) out to test it and see if it would run. (The massive monitor that came with it did not run, but I have found a suitably crusty-looking TV and other screen based appliance repair shop to attempt a repair.) Galumph ran. Belovedest looked at the specs. "That's a freaking RACK SERVER masquerading as a desktop!!!" they said, or words to that general effect.

So after we returned from the Michigan trip, I told Belovedest that it was time to take them up on their offer to rebox my poor old suffering machine.

I accidentally gave them the wrong figures for my C: and D: drives, so there was a bit of a flurry at first, but after they switched them, they were able to get to a login screen. I opened my Chrome / User Data / Default / Sessions folder, copied the most recent Tabs_* and Session_* files to a subfolder that I've named "Explicit Distrust" and launched my browser.

All 1,5XX tabs opened.

I've been trying to decrease them a little bit ever since, starting with my Main window, where the tabs tend to proliferate with abandon. (Trying to do this on the old hardware took forever, in addition to me getting distracted by shiny things.)
azurelunatic: "Where's the goddamn NERF BAT when you *really* need it?" Animated cartoon tech support loses her cool.  (work)
Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 ([personal profile] azurelunatic) wrote2025-09-02 05:17 pm
Entry tags:

United Healthcare is at it again

United Healthcare sent me a letter, dated August 26, to tell me that they were taking away my primary care of record (not actually my real primary care) -- retroactively not covered since May 16. And assigning me to someone whose UHC profile shows that he only takes 0-17 year old patients.

"If you have any questions" I could call in. Where I learned that there were a lot of those letters sent out in error.

I requested that the UHC phone agent quote me with any creative profanity she'd like to attribute to me when conveying my displeasure to her supervisors.

I called the schedulers listed for my "new primary care", who instructed me to call UHC back to say that I wanted to keep my actual primary care doctor (who I've had since my former nurse-practitioner went into Infectious Diseases. And gave me the "MPI" number of my current doctor, and further instructions on how to make this happen. (But it can't continue happening until tomorrow, because both of them close down their phones at 5.)

Kudos to that agent, who was on the phone with me past her scheduled departure time. I thanked her for that.
radiantfracture: Beadwork bunny head (Default)
radiantfracture ([personal profile] radiantfracture) wrote2025-09-01 08:54 pm

A Tradition

Autumn Day
Rainer Maria Rilke
Translated by Stephen Mitchell


Lord, it is time. The huge summer has gone by.
Now overlap the sundials with your shadows
and on the meadows let the wind go free.

Command the fruits to swell on tree and vine:
grant them a few more warm transparent days,
urge them on to fulfillment then, and press
the final sweetness into the heavy wine.

Whoever has no house now, will never have one
whoever is alone will stay alone,
will sit, read, write long letters through the evening
and wander on the boulevards up and down,
restlessly, while the dry leaves are blowing.

* * * * * *

What is it that brings me back to this poem every year, other than the wish to offer some sort of honour to the world in its cycles? (And to poetry.)

Rilke was intolerably self-indulgent in a number of ways, but nobody ever wrote the pure grief of existence so well. I suppose I mean that he was probably depressed and so am I.

Here's what I like: that the opening address is to the creator, and is either an acknowledgement and submission, or a gentle reminder, or both.

I like -- and I don't know where or with whom this device originates, but it is beloved of many modern poets, including me (the psalms? does it come from the psalms?) -- the way the speaker exhorts everything to do what it would do anyway. His will is irrelevant to the vine and the wind, but that makes his instructions a kind of radical acceptance -- I enter so completely into the wish for things to be exactly as they are, as they are intended to be, even as they wound me with their beauty and their ephemerality, that my will becomes identical with their actions.

And the turn of course, between the radiant second stanza and the stark third; from the fruit as almost heroes of the journey into wine, to the "whoever" who seems to have no place in harvest or celebration, but is already among the dry leaves.

It is, as they say, me: "whoever" is me. I wish I wrote long letters. Rilke's journals and letters are extraordinary. I wish I had some consolation for you now other than the world, but so far as I can see there never was any consolation other than the world.

§rf§
azurelunatic: Vivid pink Alaskan wild rose. (Default)
Azure Jane Lunatic (Azz) 🌺 ([personal profile] azurelunatic) wrote2025-09-01 01:37 pm

Returned from Mitchagain

I picked a hotel based on price and reviews, and I think I picked poorly. Housekeeping was by request only, but they communicated that exactly bloody nowhere. The staff were universally friendly and courteous, but the lack of communication about that vital issue was overwhelming. I had to request housekeeping on Sunday twice, and the second time the person who arrived with fresh towels and to take away the garbage said something peculiar, about having us on the housekeeping list the next morning. I inquired, and learned that it is a lingering Covid safety policy. I would rather have universal masking as the lingering Covid safety policy.

Spicy mango frozen margaritas are delicious. We went to a local brewery, I think on Friday after the parish hall setup for the party. S & Z went for the frozen margarita "flight" and we passed the little goblets around for tasting. I tried the raspberry daiquiri (non frozen) and found it too sour. But I was able to enjoy the hot rim on the mango margarita, to the extent that I looked up recipes and got a bottle of Tajín after we got home. We played Sushi Go (except for Mums) and Wizard (except for me). There was no duckie in the big fishbowl drink as they were out. Alas. Hot Rim is our new band, and all the titles of the songs are double entendres, each followed by a B-side entitled "... Vociferously!"

Pips' partner H came for Saturday and Sunday, and it was very good to meet them. Belovedest has a sticker on their water bottle reading "I'm the enby sheep", and H is another such enby sheep. And Goth. We took to each other immediately.

The anniversary party was a hit. I even convinced Belovedest to dance with me to "I Will Survive", which I named as "our song" — not incorrect, but it's my song from nerd camp, and I believe their song by way of yeeting the evil ex, rather than our song together.
Cleanup on site was very swift, and we didn't actually have to stack all the chairs. Afterwards at home (the parental home), V and Mums put away leftovers and sorted the salad (cucumber and tomato separate from the lettuce) while the rest of the kid generation gossiped and played games and I carefully pulled the photos off the science fair board and sorted them back into their ziplock bags.

There was Sunday brunch, and I think we may not go there again — both of us and perhaps more of the party had mild food poisoning symptoms that afternoon. It didn't ruin our days fully, but I was glad to have my fully stocked medical kit on hand.

Squaredle is one of the family preoccupations. It's a NYT game that resembles Boggle, except it's a composed game rather than random, and the boards vary in size and shape. (One recent one was a 5x5 doughnut, with the middlemost letter missing.) There were also games of Boggle.

I did have the new folding power chair for the trip, which saved my strength for the important things. The acquisition is its own story, with the Bastard & Our Lady's own lucks. (This is a distinct entity from the folding scooter, which should arrive later this month.)

Crochet updates:
My #10 crochet cotton super Goth beaded choker is finished with the structural crochet work and needs the final outside beading. I'm waiting on more of the beads.
The self-striping granny triangle shawl has the first triangle complete, and I could wear it like that if I wanted to. Now that I know how it's sized, I've started the second triangle of three to make it a trapezoid.
Secret #10 crochet cotton project with a due date: I need to make a crucial measurement, but I found the perfect button in my collection. Awaiting the first chain. And I am pleased beyond measure to have been commissioned it.

Yellface is extremely glad we're home. She lectured us at length about having left, in tones I've never heard from her before. That was the extent of her displeasure, fortunately.

I experimented, and got us a first class upgrade on our way out. There was almost enough foot room for Belovedest, and enough elbow room for me. I even napped some. There was a cheese plate, and I felt secure enough in my prophylactic meds to partake. The only problem was the combination of my swoopy sleeves with armrest cup holders, so my right sleeve became saturated with ginger ale for a while.
Coming back was very crammed, even though we were in the premium seats with some extra foot room.

I'm glad I went.
boxofdelights: (Default)
boxofdelights ([personal profile] boxofdelights) wrote2025-08-28 12:12 am

Mount TBR

Mount TBR )

We Do This Til We Free Us for Slow Book Club, which had its first (online) meeting Monday. We discussed parts 1 and 2. We'll discuss parts 3, 4 and 5 next month. I thought the discussion was really good! It's open to new members, so if you would like to jump in, let me know.

Always Coming Home for Solarpunk Futures bookgroup, later today (Thursday). This bookgroup is also online and open to new members, so if you are interested in discussing Always Coming Home this evening, let me know.

The Meadow for Classics bookgroup
Artful for 1000 Books To Read Before You Die
Lula Dean's Little Library of Banned Books for Fort Collins Reads
The All-True Travels and Adventures of Lidie Newton for Tawanda bookgroup
Lonely Castle in the Mirror for SF bookgroup

Mathematical Mindsets for ideas on working with a kid who is way behind where school wants her to be in fourth grade

The Paper Playhouse and Craft The Rainbow due back at the library soon.