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I'd been thinking of designing a small web site called BuyAPolitician.com. Last night, I realized that doing so right before the elections could be cool. But it turns out that someone has already made one by that name. The site looks like it started well, but is incomplete, unmaintained and broken. Darn. It also quickly breaks with the sarcastic tone, once you follow the few working links.
I'd love to quickly throw together something better, but lack sufficient knowledge. Ordinarily, I'd just spend several days researching, so that I could make the presentation sharp, concise, and well footnoted (with links to supporting documentation). But I don't have much time in the next few days, and the elections present a deadline. Would someone with more of a political clue than I like to make suggestions, or take over the idea? Any similar site name (e.g., BuyAPolitician.org) would work. It would be something along these lines (off the top of my head — I hate presenting unpolished ideas!):
Are your hedge funds growing as slowly as your hedges? [Another forgettably witty hook question here.] Perhaps it's time to discover what so many other company directors already know as the best investment ever: A politician!
With only a few easy payments, a politician can legislate away your taxes and your competitors. Choose wisely, and your politician will pay for itself in no time flat. You might even get a piece of the pork barrel!
Don't just take our word for it. See what our satisfied customers have to say!
"The energy companies whom I represent were in a bit of a pickle. A while back, some legislators were mislead into thinking that human lives were more important than my clients' profit. So they passed laws to inhibit air pollution. Nobody ever enforced them laws, but we were worried that they might, if they ever noticed that three million people a year were dying from lung cancer at our hands. So we threw some money around congress*, and that plus some connections with a powerful family got us the Clean Air Act. Now we can pollute as much as we want, and even if we break a law, the EPA can't enforce it!" - ??
* [Small print list of specific names?]
[More specific examples needed. Maybe work in tobacco or other big interests.]
"I run a military supply company. We've kept Dick Cheney in our pockets for years. So, when we wanted a war, all we had to do was ask. He got Bush to feed congress some made up excuses, and they handed us $87 billion of taxpayers' money! Boy, has he ever paid off! Of course, he and Bush got their cut. We couldn't be happier." - ?? ??, Halliburton C.E.O.
[This one should be about third in the list.]
...
With the holiday season right around the corner from election season, consider the gift of a politician to your favorite business or golfing partner. Gift certificates are available upon request. And remember, contributions in an election year count double, so give... And you can be a little extra naughty!
The whole things needs to be upbeat, never breaking the happy sarcasm to become overtly critical. There should be many more precise facts in there, ones that wouldn't be particularly susceptible to questioning even if you're a staunch Republican voter. i.e., the writing has to be credible.
If you'd like to present me with facts to be used in testimonials (preferably with references - I don't want to risk saying anything false, despite knowing that truth and propaganda need have no common ground) or design suggestions (preferably developed; I may not have time to figure out a "price list" based on contributions, for example, but I'd love to have one), let me know.
Oh, and my web page design skills are carried over from the days of Lynx and Gopher. So seriously, if someone else would like to take this and run with it, please do!
I'd love to quickly throw together something better, but lack sufficient knowledge. Ordinarily, I'd just spend several days researching, so that I could make the presentation sharp, concise, and well footnoted (with links to supporting documentation). But I don't have much time in the next few days, and the elections present a deadline. Would someone with more of a political clue than I like to make suggestions, or take over the idea? Any similar site name (e.g., BuyAPolitician.org) would work. It would be something along these lines (off the top of my head — I hate presenting unpolished ideas!):
Are your hedge funds growing as slowly as your hedges? [Another forgettably witty hook question here.] Perhaps it's time to discover what so many other company directors already know as the best investment ever: A politician!
With only a few easy payments, a politician can legislate away your taxes and your competitors. Choose wisely, and your politician will pay for itself in no time flat. You might even get a piece of the pork barrel!
Don't just take our word for it. See what our satisfied customers have to say!
"The energy companies whom I represent were in a bit of a pickle. A while back, some legislators were mislead into thinking that human lives were more important than my clients' profit. So they passed laws to inhibit air pollution. Nobody ever enforced them laws, but we were worried that they might, if they ever noticed that three million people a year were dying from lung cancer at our hands. So we threw some money around congress*, and that plus some connections with a powerful family got us the Clean Air Act. Now we can pollute as much as we want, and even if we break a law, the EPA can't enforce it!" - ??
* [Small print list of specific names?]
[More specific examples needed. Maybe work in tobacco or other big interests.]
"I run a military supply company. We've kept Dick Cheney in our pockets for years. So, when we wanted a war, all we had to do was ask. He got Bush to feed congress some made up excuses, and they handed us $87 billion of taxpayers' money! Boy, has he ever paid off! Of course, he and Bush got their cut. We couldn't be happier." - ?? ??, Halliburton C.E.O.
[This one should be about third in the list.]
...
With the holiday season right around the corner from election season, consider the gift of a politician to your favorite business or golfing partner. Gift certificates are available upon request. And remember, contributions in an election year count double, so give... And you can be a little extra naughty!
The whole things needs to be upbeat, never breaking the happy sarcasm to become overtly critical. There should be many more precise facts in there, ones that wouldn't be particularly susceptible to questioning even if you're a staunch Republican voter. i.e., the writing has to be credible.
If you'd like to present me with facts to be used in testimonials (preferably with references - I don't want to risk saying anything false, despite knowing that truth and propaganda need have no common ground) or design suggestions (preferably developed; I may not have time to figure out a "price list" based on contributions, for example, but I'd love to have one), let me know.
Oh, and my web page design skills are carried over from the days of Lynx and Gopher. So seriously, if someone else would like to take this and run with it, please do!
