Blimix

I made a short, silly video. (Warning: Puns.)

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/cpQ-DQ3ktBE
https://www.instagram.com/p/DKGYLrYid0s/
https://www.facebook.com/blimix/videos/715033420918052/

(Content note: Christianity, not entirely reverent.)

Tracey and I had a nice phone conversation.

We looked at our calendars. Passover comes after Easter. Tracey pointed out the problem: The Last Supper was a Passover seder, after which Jesus was caught and killed. Easter celebrates his resurrection. So he rose before he died? I said that obviously Jesus is yeast. But that mostly doesn't work, because communion wafers (which are Jesus) are unleavened. I had been thinking of an actual loaf of bread as the host, because one appears in a scene from "Lady Jane" (from memory):

"Why do you curtsy?"
"I am bowing to the host. To him who made us all."
"Oh, I see! So, God made you, and the baker — apparently — made God!"

Tracey says there are a few traditions that will use bread instead of crackers. So I figure the Jesus-yeast connection at least has some slight support.

Of course, the real problem with being resurrected before you die is that there are two of you for a while. Make sure not to encounter your past self. If you do, don't risk breaking the timeline by giving anything away: Especially not the circumstances of your death, nor that one of your disciples will betray you. That would be extremely irresponsible.

Tracey mentioned Orthodox church tradition. I asked about Greek vs. Russian Orthodox, and she explained that they have common beliefs, and are named for the languages in which the services are (at least partly) held. So yes, she confirmed my suspicion that there could be a Klingon Orthodox church if enough Klingon speakers with Orthodox beliefs united. The schism (the first one among the still major sects), she told me, occurred because the mainstream church (later to be known as Catholic) largely neglected the Holy Spirit in favor of the other two parts of the Trinity. I surmised that in the divorce, the Orthodox church took custody of the Holy Spirit, while the Father and Son remained with the Catholics. I'm glad for the Holy Spirit: It deserves to be with the church that doesn't show favoritism.

"I got a lot done already. I'm going to relax on the couch, watch some videos, and sip some nice decaf tea for half an hour."

*Adds two spoons of maple syrup and a bunch of milk to a huge mug of tea*

*Sits, prepares to start video*

*Realizes mug is already empty*

I finished the video I've been working on! It's the first in a series about wearing (or not wearing) masks in public. I hope it'll give you a chuckle:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XelseEtdy6Q

(Content note: Rhetorical discussion of suicide.)

Why do videos always take me so long much longer than I think they will? (Besides inertia, perfectionism, scope creep, free time/energy, and the planning fallacy?)

We walked around the neighborhood before dusk.

Karen: That's a good reason not to have inflatable decorations. They look depressing while they're deflated.
Me: Except for a bat.
Karen: Because it still looks spooky when deflated?
Me: Because when it's inflated, it's die fledermaus. And when it's deflated, it's deflator maus.
Karen: I'm going home now.

Interviewer: We need someone with experience at intercepting and decrypting communications.

Me: [Smiles.] I'm kind of a big name in the field.

Interviewer: Oh?

Me: My name is Eve.

Interviewer: ...

Interviewer: You're hired.

I had occasion to babysit a seven-year-old recently. We reached the "questions" portion of the evening.

Me: What's your first question?

7yo: Who are you pretending to be?

Me: Whoa! That's an intense question!

7yo: Why?

Me: Well, it presumes that I'm pretending to be someone other than myself. That's a powerful claim.

7yo: You can pretend to be yourself.

Me: Yeah, but that's a cop-out. (Back of my head: Actually, it's a valid observation. "We are what we pretend to be.") I'd rather address the question in its own spirit. So, I'd say... I'm pretending to be someone who is always calm, cool, and collected, even when I'm feeling excited, or upset.

7yo: No, no, what *character* are you pretending to be? Like, from a book or movie.

Me: ... Oh.

My friend Amalia and I have just shot three — count 'em — three (!) music videos about golems. In one gorram day!

If you're unfamiliar with them (except possibly from D&D), note that golems originally come from ancient Jewish tales of rabbis creating them from clay using Kabbalah magic. They were automata (unthinking artificial people) that never spoke but that could do heavy work. A word inscribed on the forehead (or sometimes on paper inserted in the mouth) would activate them, and the word could be removed to deactivate them for the Sabbath (which Rabbi Loew forgot to do one week). One tale involved a golem defending a Jewish ghetto from the army of the Holy Roman Emperor, Rudolph II. That should be most of what you need to know to enjoy these videos.

I Had a Little Golem

Do You Wanna Build a Golem (horizontal format)
Do You Wanna Build a Golem (vertical format)

Frosty The Golem

We recorded the audio recently at a great studio (with Scott Petito, sound technician extraordinaire), and shot the videos today.

This all started two years ago, when Amalia told me, "I'm giving you a homework assignment. I have one line of a song: 'Golem, golem, golem, I made it out of clay.' Write it." So I did! We collaborated to refine it. (If it looks and sounds like a cheesy 70's children's show, that's intentional. Amalia gave me the stage direction, "Imagine you always wanted to be a serious musician, but instead here you are on this lousy show." I'm no actor, but I got the empty smile by thinking, "My life is meaningless.")

I sounded out the chords to "Do You Wanna Build a Golem," but it just didn't sound right on guitar. So I got my MIDI setup (from 30 years ago) working for the first time in twelve years, then figured out and reproduced every note of the original. We brought my recording of that to the studio, so Amalia could add her vocals.

"Frosty The Golem" had some more involved recording. My garage sale bass, that I had never touched since I had bought it and replaced the missing string, turned out to have a rattle that we couldn't trivially fix. Scott lent me a bass guitar with flatwound strings, which I didn't even know were a thing. I had literally never figured out, let alone practiced, a bass line for the song before I started recording. So I had a crap first run, but got it okay for the second and third takes. We lucked out for percussion: Amalia wanted something that sounded like a sleigh bell, and unbeknownst to her, I had a sleigh bell!

I've done my own sound editing, but I'm far from a sound engineer. Scott was playing back the mostly completed Frosty as he made some minute changes. I commented, "I kinda want some dynamic range compression on the bass."

He replied, "That's what I'm doing right now." Vibe! So that felt good.

After we shot these videos, Amalia did the editing for all three on the same evening!

(If it looks like we're not being pandemic-safe, don't worry: We're in a social bubble. We take safety seriously.)

In my dream, I told a joke. I woke up, remembered it, and realized that I had never heard it before: I had just made up a joke in my sleep. Here it is.

---

NASA founds a one-person test run for a colony on Mars. Due to the rigors of the mission, they search for someone who is as fastidious about waste as possible: Someone who never throws out what they can recycle, reuse, or compost. They find one guy who exceeds their expectations: He removes the staples and tape from his paper recycling even though he doesn't have to. His yard is a pristine, permaculture edible forest and pollinator garden.

They recruit him, train him for the mission, and send him to live in a pod house on Mars for five years.

At the end of that time, they send a ship to pick him up. The pilot of the landing craft steps out, and boggles at the pod. The landscape outside the airlock is strewn with scattered garbage: Food waste, plastic packaging, crumpled papers, broken electronics, etc.

The pilot goes in, and asks the guy, "What's going on? Why are you throwing stuff out the airlock? I thought you were meticulous!"

The guy replies, "Oh, that was all to save the environment. There's no life here, so fuck it."

---

Karen: "What do I want for breakfast?"
Me: "Ummmmm... Eggs?"
Karen: "No, I'm not in the mood for eggs."
Me: "Well, I couldn't say waffles, which is what you actually want, because we don't have any."
Karen: ...
Karen: ...
Karen: ...
Karen: "You bastard! Now I want waffles!"
Me: "I was right."
Karen: "I wasn't even thinking about waffles until you said it!"
Me: "But I was right."