Reciprocity pressure

There was an interesting moment of revelation the first time I read Robert Cialdini's Influence: Science and Practice. (Yes, I read it a second time just to take notes. It's that important.) He was explaining reciprocity pressure: When someone does something for you, you feel compelled to do something for them. An extreme example was the (now prohibited) practice of Hare Krishnas giving out flowers in airports. The flower was a gift; they would then ask for, and often receive, a donation. An awful lot of people threw out their flowers afterward. (The H.K.s knew this, and would retrieve them from the trash.) So, many people felt obligated to make a donation, just by receiving a flower that they didn't even want! Another example was an experiment that involved sending holiday cards to strangers. An awful lot sent holiday cards back.

As I was reading this, I was thinking, "Reciprocity pressure doesn't work very well on me. When someone does something for me, I express gratitude, but I don't feel like I have to respond in kind. And I do favors for other people all the time, without expecting anything in return. It's like I'm just immune to this ubiquitous social construct."

Cialdini went on to explain that within families, reciprocity pressure works differently. Rather than "keeping score" with favors and gifts so that nobody feels indebted to anyone else, family members exchange the ongoing willingness and readiness to just drop everything and help each other out whenever necessary.

I read this, and thought, "Wait, that's me! That is exactly how I treat everyone!"

I'm not different because I don't feel reciprocity pressure. I'm different (but surely not unique) because I feel and act as though everyone — all humans (plus a few other animals) — are my family.