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I think I got a cookie.
Feb. 6th, 2019 07:14 pmMy dentist's receptionist searched the computer. "Your last name again?" Yes, she had spelled it correctly. Neither I nor my appointment, for which I had taken half the day off, was in the system. I calmly explained what little I could of the circumstances of the previous time that this had happened to me, at the same practice. She asked me to wait.
I read for fifteen minutes, while she and her colleagues investigated and checked in other patients.
She summoned me back. It appeared that there was a note in the system about my having switched practices. There was nothing attached to it to indicate that I had switched back. That note was popping its head up, eight years after the fact, to tell the practice that I was no longer a patient and that they should cancel my appointments. I was glad to know what had caused the problem.
"We'll have to reschedule you. Thank you for being so happy about this, and not... You know... Shouting at me."
I gave a sympatheic smile. "You don't deserve to be shouted at for this."
"Thank you."
I thought about her job for a moment. "In fact, you don't deserve to be shouted at for anything that people shout at you for."
She melted. "Awwww! I guess you're right. Most of the time..."
I shook my head. "No. Everybody screws up sometimes. Nobody deserves to be abused for it."
"Wow. You're really nice. I'm going to get you an appointment for tomorrow, because I like you, and I want to see you again."
Reflections:
I appreciated the offer, though I couldn't request that time off with so little notice.
A recurring theme in life is that people often do not recognize verbal and emotional abuse as abuse. My referring to shouting as "abuse" may help her to recognize it as such, when reflecting on past and future encounters with the inconsiderate, entitled pricks who have caused her to expect such behavior.
I wonder how much of her appreciation comes from having a black woman's experiences of unjust treatment predicted and validated -- and the treatment repudiated -- by a white man. (I'll spell out what some of my readers already know: Abuse of strangers correlates with privilege. A white man is the least likely person to offer sympathy and validation. Conversely, when that sympathy does happen, it is very powerful. People listen more to white males, so any support that we provide, especially in public, carries a lot of weight. White males are literally the only people who can criticize other white males and be heard by most people.) Not that I want, with a discussion of race and sex, to derail a charming little anecdote about how I got to look nice thanks to other people setting the bar so low, but I would be remiss to not take the opportunity.
I read for fifteen minutes, while she and her colleagues investigated and checked in other patients.
She summoned me back. It appeared that there was a note in the system about my having switched practices. There was nothing attached to it to indicate that I had switched back. That note was popping its head up, eight years after the fact, to tell the practice that I was no longer a patient and that they should cancel my appointments. I was glad to know what had caused the problem.
"We'll have to reschedule you. Thank you for being so happy about this, and not... You know... Shouting at me."
I gave a sympatheic smile. "You don't deserve to be shouted at for this."
"Thank you."
I thought about her job for a moment. "In fact, you don't deserve to be shouted at for anything that people shout at you for."
She melted. "Awwww! I guess you're right. Most of the time..."
I shook my head. "No. Everybody screws up sometimes. Nobody deserves to be abused for it."
"Wow. You're really nice. I'm going to get you an appointment for tomorrow, because I like you, and I want to see you again."
Reflections:
I appreciated the offer, though I couldn't request that time off with so little notice.
A recurring theme in life is that people often do not recognize verbal and emotional abuse as abuse. My referring to shouting as "abuse" may help her to recognize it as such, when reflecting on past and future encounters with the inconsiderate, entitled pricks who have caused her to expect such behavior.
I wonder how much of her appreciation comes from having a black woman's experiences of unjust treatment predicted and validated -- and the treatment repudiated -- by a white man. (I'll spell out what some of my readers already know: Abuse of strangers correlates with privilege. A white man is the least likely person to offer sympathy and validation. Conversely, when that sympathy does happen, it is very powerful. People listen more to white males, so any support that we provide, especially in public, carries a lot of weight. White males are literally the only people who can criticize other white males and be heard by most people.) Not that I want, with a discussion of race and sex, to derail a charming little anecdote about how I got to look nice thanks to other people setting the bar so low, but I would be remiss to not take the opportunity.
