blimix

We've been getting those ubiquitous "We're calling in reference to your current credit card account" telemarketing calls, at a rate of about one a week, for several months. They (or a company very like them) used to spoof numbers from Florida, but lately they've just been blocking caller ID. Pressing 9 (or 1 with the latest round of recordings) to speak to a live person got us no more information than a first name and a fake company name ("Card Services" or "Consumer Services"). They'd hang up as soon as we asked for more information, asked them not to call us again, or mentioned that we're on the Do No Call registry. (They also hung up on me the one time I couldn't help from laughing, "Yeah, I was wondering how you could get me a lower interest rate on my credit card, considering I don't own any credit cards.") They also seemed to be quite clueless.

It occurred to me that their behavior was more consistent with a credit card scam operation than with anything designed to actually sell a product. (Setting up a business relationship would make them pretty damn easy to catch, right?) Also, my housemate was getting pretty fed up with the calls. We had reported them plenty of times to the Do Not Call registry, to no avail. (All we had to report were fake company names, and fake or missing telephone numbers.) So when they called today, I used *57 to trace the number.

Thus began the bureaucratic adventure. The phone call summary:

Automated response: "Successful trace. Call this number to follow up."
Automated Verizon line: "So you made a trace, big deal. Give me a police complaint number or get lost."
Albany police: "Oh yeah, we get tons of those calls every day. I just hang up when I hear it. It's a telephone thing, so it's not really our problem. We can't help you. Bye!"
Automated Verizon line: "A real person? But, but, but... Shiny menus! Oh, fine."
Verizon employee: "Okay, I see the trace. I can't legally give you the phone number, but you can call the local police, and we'll give it to them. They what? Huh! Yes, you could try the state police. We can give it to any law enforcement authority."
State police: "That's really a matter for your local police. They what? Well, I guess you could try the state Attorney General's office. Here's a number."
Attorney General's office: "We can only respond to a written complaint. I can send you the form. Yes, it is available on-line."
[While printing the form, I decided to switch tactics back to the Do Not Call registry and the Federal Trade Commission, which oversees it.]
Automated DNC line: "You need a telephone number or a company name to file a complaint. Hang up now or press 1 to have me explain it to you more slowly."
Automated FTC line: "Menu. Menu. Enter your phone number. Enter your zip code. Menu. Menu. Say your last name, then spell it, then press pound. Menu. Menu. Enter your date of birth. (I almost hung up here.) Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. You want to talk to a human? Okay: Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu. Menu."
FTC employee: "I understand perfectly. When was the most recent call? I'm filing the report right now. Yes, those companies often change their names to avoid getting caught. Here's a reference number, so you can bypass the phone tree and get straight to this report, to find out any progress on it, or to call us back with any more information you may find out."

Whoa. What a tunnel, and what a light at (I hope) the end!