Party bullying
Jan. 2nd, 2019 09:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blimixI once had an interesting and enlightening experience of within-friends-group bullying. Crispus invited me to a Superbowl party that he was organizing at Clementia's place. He suggested that I invite more people, as the guest list was still too small. I later invited Rufus, who was happy to attend, though he had to leave early for another commitment.
As soon as he was gone, Antonia barked at the rest of the room, "Who the hell invited Rufus?" Rufus had once mightily pissed Antonia off, but then, so had, at some point, everyone else who breathed within a mile of her, and she still had friends, so we assumed it had blown over as usual. Rufus still regarded Antonia as a friend.
I casually answered that I had invited him.
"Who said you could invite him?"
I explained that Crispus had asked me to invite more people.
Crispus surprised me by flatly denying it.
Antonia laced into me, and the others at the party joined her. I was confused, as everyone else there liked both me and Rufus. (Clearly, one can be mistaken about such things, but I had cause for certainty regarding some of them.) The verbal abuse did not move me, and it did not even occur to me to placate Antonia by apologizing for the invitation. I take no credit for courage here; this was merely the indifference of one who has never learned to fear bullies.
After the party, I realized what had happened. Nobody else there had minded Rufus's presence or invitation. They were all just scared of Antonia. Crispus was scared enough to lie rather than risk her wrath. I was disappointed in their behavior, but I understood. Nothing changed afterward between me and them, save for my losing some faith in them. (Luckily, these were not my closest friends.) Antonia, however, had lost my respect.
As soon as he was gone, Antonia barked at the rest of the room, "Who the hell invited Rufus?" Rufus had once mightily pissed Antonia off, but then, so had, at some point, everyone else who breathed within a mile of her, and she still had friends, so we assumed it had blown over as usual. Rufus still regarded Antonia as a friend.
I casually answered that I had invited him.
"Who said you could invite him?"
I explained that Crispus had asked me to invite more people.
Crispus surprised me by flatly denying it.
Antonia laced into me, and the others at the party joined her. I was confused, as everyone else there liked both me and Rufus. (Clearly, one can be mistaken about such things, but I had cause for certainty regarding some of them.) The verbal abuse did not move me, and it did not even occur to me to placate Antonia by apologizing for the invitation. I take no credit for courage here; this was merely the indifference of one who has never learned to fear bullies.
After the party, I realized what had happened. Nobody else there had minded Rufus's presence or invitation. They were all just scared of Antonia. Crispus was scared enough to lie rather than risk her wrath. I was disappointed in their behavior, but I understood. Nothing changed afterward between me and them, save for my losing some faith in them. (Luckily, these were not my closest friends.) Antonia, however, had lost my respect.
